Beneath the Glitter
My childhood had a story-book Christmas. My father read “The Night Before Christmas” to us on Christmas Eve, and we went to bed quivering with excitement. The next morning, we rushed down to a living room full of presents left mysteriously in the night by Santa. It was a day full of magic and wonder.
In my teenage years, however, I became disillusioned with this holiday of holidays. I was focused on the meaning and purpose of life. I wanted to know what everything was for. I dug deeply into things to uncover their roots. In my quest for truth, Christmas began to feel empty and superficial.
It became apparent to me that Christmas, the way we did it, was mostly about glitter and distracting ourselves from the drudgery and angst of life. I understand that we all need a break from normal. And we can forget about our sorrows by letting go into the rush of sugar, gifts, and alcohol. But there is something about the way we do this holiday that makes our fleeting attempt at escape come crashing down harder on us when it's over.
The thing I began to notice about Christmas was the disappointment that set in as soon as the gifts were all opened, the alcohol and sugar wore off, and it became apparent that life was back to normal. I wondered why, more than any other occasion, Christmas seemed to set us up for this emotional roller coaster ride.
The Promise
I started paying attention to the unconscious expectations of Christmas. There was something about this day that promised miracles. I realized that even now, long after my childhood belief in Santa faded away, I still want something magical to happen.
Perhaps the hardest thing about becoming an adult is that it slowly dawns on you that your parents made whatever magic there was in your childhood - and now it is up to you. If you have made room for children in your life, you can keep this magic going for a while longer by making it appear for them. But the real challenge is making it happen for yourself.
The mistake we make about Christmas, like falling in love, is that we expect the magic to be given to us by someone else. We don’t realize that it is up to us to seek and find it for ourselves. Or perhaps we come to this sobering conclusion, but still have no idea what to do about it.
This is when the promise of Christmas can turn into cynicism, resentment, and depression. It is better not to pretend this doesn’t happen to you. It is natural to feel let down when the magic doesn’t happen the way you hoped it would. However, don’t let the story end there.
Look honestly at the promise of Christmas. It is the one day that we allow ourselves to believe in something larger than ourselves that is entirely good and beneficent. We make so much of this holiday exactly because we cannot let go of this hope.
Each one of us has personal tragedies that we cannot bear, and we all want desperately to believe that some greater power is in charge and will protect us from harm. Christmas is the one moment in the year for many of us that we acknowledge our longing for God.
It’s Up to You
You have an internal battle going on between two seemingly opposite forces. One is telling you to ignore the big question of life’s meaning and just get on with it - whatever “it” is. This one has a powerful pull and can keep you distracted from your purpose for many lifetimes.
The other force, which, despite your greatest efforts you cannot escape, is pulling you toward God, truth, unconditional love, and the origin of this mystery. This is the one that is awakened in many of us at this time of year.
The thing is, it's up to you to actively pursue this longing. It is why you are here. This nagging feeling will haunt you until you make the search for the one unifying, intelligent source of life central to your purpose.
Once you accept that this longing for God is the most important thing in your life, you can go about learning. You don’t have to abandon your life as it is now. You simply need to put it into context and gain a new perspective. The obstacles life seems to randomly throw at you are there for you to learn what makes you truly happy.
This quest for genuine contentment is what life is for. The trick is to allow the quest to take you over – to become your life’s mission – and not settle for some belief that seems to put the question to rest. You need a direct experience of peace and serenity, not someone else’s word.
I can’t tell you more specifically about your journey – that is your business. All I know is that we are all called to quest for our source. It is just the way it is here. And if you ignore this calling, you can’t be settled or feel complete.
It doesn’t matter what you call this season of longing. No matter what tradition, culture, or religion you assume, they all center on this eternal hope for the world to make sense. The child in us still imagines a wonder that is beyond our wildest dreams. And so it is that we allow this forbidden hope to surface again, on this holiest of holidays.
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